remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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