no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He passed out mid-signature
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
