i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
