I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
