Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
