y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
