Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can u get pink eye on your cock?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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