I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
