dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
