She is in my trunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
