grandma shit on top of the toilet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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