The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
