i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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