I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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