Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
