i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
