If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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