My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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