oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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