i love accidental penises.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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