Screwed.edu
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
