the new term for farting is butt boxing.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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