You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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