you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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