i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
