yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
