I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
