the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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