In the future we'll all be gay
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I believe in your delicious
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
