i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We smell like vodka and hangover
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
