This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
