you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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