If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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