I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
