You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
