i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize