i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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