Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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