wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.