I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again