I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
