fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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