i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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