Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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