I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
