clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
