I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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