She is in my trunk
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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