Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
