Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
