NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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