I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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