I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know her cup size but not her name....
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