At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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