I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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