no, he came in my armpit
one might say we're banned from that church
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
only you would photoshop your dick
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
