I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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