The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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