oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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