I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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