that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
