He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
