Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Watching her eat just hurts me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
