I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
