is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
