I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
